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Name:        Dorothy

Date:        Thursday, May 08, 2008

Comments:

Can we send copies of your articles home with the children at our school-inner city Philadelphia?

Comments:

Hello: Many years ago I cut out an article - (question/answer) out of a Philadelphia newspaper, not sure which one, entitled, "Son's death drives parents to the brink of despair". In it you referenced the death of your husband's son, Jon, age 17. I've held onto this article for many years because of the wisdom it encompassed. Thought I'd pass that on to you many many years after it was written. Keep up the good work!

January 16, 2008

Letter to the Editor:

Written in response to SaraKay's op-ed called, I Shoulda Trusted My Instincts about Barrack Obama's pursuit of the democratic nomination for president.

The letter can be found here: http://www.philly.com/philly/opinion/13859061.html 

Name: Marilyn
Familiarity: I read "Setting YourSelf Free"
Date: Saturday, May 19, 2007

I am a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst. I have not been a fan of the Sopranos for a few reasons. While the show may indeed show intimate details of family life, it still glamorizes violence. More importantly, while SaraKay Smullens comments on the challenge facing Tony Soprano's therapist, I find the entire premise that someone like him would seek out therapy to be preposterous. Men like that do not want to look at themselves honestly, they may not be capable of it, and so much of their self esteem is contingent on deception that the idea of therapy, which involves an attempt to know oneself as fully and clearly as possible, is basically contrary to their nature. I know many have hailed the show as one of the best ever, but for the reasons cited above I find it unappealing.

Martin Ortiz
I read her one of her books.
October 25, 2006

Just wondering if there is an Spanish version of the book "Setting Yourself Free". Thanks

Martin -- thanks for asking.  Unfortunately the book has not been translated into Spanish. 
SaraKay Smullens

Vivian
Daily News column
October 24, 2006

It is good to see reasons for the hate and violence that is everywhere. It is good not to see human beings as evil and to see why they act as they do. Many newspapers would not print this kind of reflective essay. My compliments!

BUJO
GRANDPA & THE JEWS
September 29, 2006

You and your Zayda hit a lot of nails on the head with this one!!

Mark
- Read Article
September 28, 2006

Regarding your article, "Grandpa & The Jews"-surely you cannot have meant (when you wrote that "Surely the world will put things into perspective..." after the massacre at the Palestinain camps) that the world should think, "Well,those Jews have been through a lot,so we're going to give them a pass on this".If a number of Black people commited an atrocity against hundreds of White people, I doubt very seriously if the world would "put things into perspective" and say, "Well,we DID enslave them, torture and lynch them in great numbers for a long time..." Ariel Sharon knew exactly what was going to happen,because he said he wanted to get rid of the "terrorists" in the camps.It may not have been officially sanctioned by Israel,but Sharon knew what was going to happen. Everything I've read indicates that, in 1948,Israel and the UN got together and decreed that the new state of Israel would be...right where people were already living.These people were removed from the land,and the Jewish people moved in.I daresay this act has contributed immensely to the cycle of violence in the Middle East even today,nearly 60 years later. Had unpopulated land been chosen,it would be impossible for the Jewish people to be considered "outsiders"-there,at least,by anyone but bitter enemies. Enemies of the State of Israel can always offer up that act as a valid excuse for attacking. I think it is time for Israel to think about relocating. No talk of appeasement, please-when a person buys a new house and is attacked on all fronts on a constant basis,invariably they will move away ASAP. If Israel were to relocate and is still attacked, then full steam ahead in defending your new homeland. Otherwise,it's like me commandeering your house, kicking you out, and then being surprised and angry when you try to get it all back.

annonymous   DR
recent  newspaper commentary
January 31, 2006

I have never seen a more aware and enlightening discussion of the necessity for women to have control over their births

Hugh Rosen
I have read her books and several of her articles.
December 02, 2005

Sara Kay, your website is very nicely done. It's a neat design that sticks to the main points. The promotional part is in good taste and not overly hyped up like some websites. A Pleasure to read.

Hugh

Terry
Googled Cycles of Abuse List
November 22, 2005

List of how to know if you are abused on this cite are very informative, helpful too, makes you think

Annonymous
Article on domestic violence
October 26, 2005

If only my minister just once had said something, my life would be different and my kids lives too.

Brenda B.
bookstore
September 29, 2005
 

I was in a second hand book store in Philadelphia and found your book on emotional abuse. It is clear and relevant. I see things never seen before. I love the excercises. They make so much sense. I will begin them tnis weekend. What a good find!!

Annonymous

July 11, 2005

I found your site by accident. I will follow it now. There is old fashioned commonsense it it. I will make sure others see it.

Brenda B.
The Web
June 08, 2005

Dear Mira, Thanks. I followed your advise and went to the library for SaraK's books. Found them so I ordered them on line, both!

Mira
book at library
May 24, 2005

I was feeling very low and discovered "Whoever Said Life is Fair" at my local library. This must have been one of the first of the self-help books. But what I liked is it does not give advise. Instead it gives a philosophy of life and direction. It is really for thinking people who do not expect baby food.

Sandy Mannix
Goucher College '69
April 05, 2005

Congratulations! Again, well done!

NASW -- Nancy

April 05, 2005

Reading this diversity of comments is fascinating, like her workshop. A new way to look at material in a very helpful way. I did some brain housecleaning.

Barbara

April 04, 2005

I have never seen a keynote like Ms. Smullens' She talked for 45 minutes with no notes. It all came from inside of her. She gave us the kind of gift she said was what Rank believed could cure. An unbelievable experience. Thank you, Ms. Smullens!

Annonymous
NASW-PA Conference
April 04, 2005

SarahKay did an intensive workshop after her plenary. She demonstrated the 5 cycles she spoke about in the plenary. It was fascinating. Of special interest was how she handled criticism. The areas she discussed hit close to home, and clinicians know that they happen to all of us. I would bet that much of the criticism comes from being threatened by the material. Of special interest is the person who criticized during a break. Some of us heard it. She was told that we would welcome a discussion. She did not come back. This really is an example of one who has learned to walkaway or "reject and abandon" if she does not feel in control. It was a true demonstration of what this intensive workshop was all about. I do not want to be recognized, as I know the women who left.

Stephanie
NASW Keynote Address
April 03, 2005

Thank you so very much for all that you have done for our profession. I am honored to have met a soul of such grace.

Jean
Attended your workshop Saturday at NASW.  I am the one who said I was from Alabama in Pennsylvania
April 03, 2005

Saw this quote in an article today, and since you made some similar comments about the Bush Administration, thought you might like this one if you have not already heard it. There was once a brilliant comedian named Bill Hicks. Hicks once said "You know what pornography is? Pornography is the wealthiest nation on earth denying its children proper education in science and mathematics and breakfast programs while it spends its wealth on weapons of war, while it arms the rest of the world at the same time. THAT'S pornography."

Cynthia
Baltimore friend- 1953-1962
March 31, 2005

I would like to touch base with Sara Kay. I have some interesting observations about our junior high/high school friendship.  My husband, to whom I have been married for 43 years, is known as a Sara Kay "reject".

Peter Solomon
Daily News of 3/31/05
March 31, 2005

Thank you so much for the article.As an Adult Probation Officer for almost 34 years I have seen too many times the result of what you eloquently document. Again , thank you.

Scott
Philadelphia Daily News
March 31, 2005

I found your article, "Evil Does Exist in Children", which ran in the Philadelphia Daily News on 3/31/05, to be astounding. You hit the nail on the head perfectly, and I couldn't agree more. It amazes me how parents are so oblivious to the consequences of their actions. I could tell you a story about my bipolar ex-girlfriend who is a perfect example of someone who learned to take pleasure in cruelty towards others, as learned by her divorced parents. It's remarkable the things she said she saw her parents engage in. I hope people read and believe in your work. Take care.

Scott

Annonymous:  Call me Adam, for I am beginning somethings anew, thanks to the conference and you, and your workshop for me was the best.

March 13, 2005

Hello. I was a participant in your workshop at AGPA. I have not stopped thinking about it. You handled some outright hostility, actually something like hot anger that had nothing to do with you, but did take away from your presentation, very well and most professionally. You never lost your cool and showed how hard it is to work with those who act out and have no idea that they are hurtful or why. These folks can even be professionals. I learned alot from this workshop. Thanks for not throwing up your hands in frustration or asked this person to leave, which would have also been giving up.

Caroline
Februaruy 9 Daily News-Philly
February 09, 2005

This article talks about abuse in a clear way. I was abused by my husband for 5 years. He'd beat me when he was mad at his boss or had a headache. When he beat me while pregnant, I knew I had to leave. my point is that he would get all honeymoony and fall all over me after his attacks, trying to confuse me and see him as a loving husband. This article made me see that political leaders who abuse use the same tactics. Very interesting. By the way, my daughter now two, is terrific and I am with a really cool and kind guy. Yes, the two can go together.

Bob Shapley
re Paris
January 22, 2005

SaraKay Great piece on the French,Remeber they lost the following French and Indian War, Waterloo revolution of 1848, to the Germans in Franco Prussian War WWI, WWII, Viet Nam(Dien Bien Phu, Algeria.nd all their colonies. I like to refer to the French as the largest group of losers ever put together in one place(France attending the largest loser's picnic in the world.My wife and I did not have as bad an experience as you, but twice at De Gaulle we could not wait to leave. I would turn down an all expense trip to the home of the "Frogs" Bob

carlie
newspaper
January 20, 2005

your article about "a nightmare in paris" was awful. Im ding a BIG project on France but your column gave me a wake up! Thank tou for this informative letter Your Friend, Carlie

Karen
Daily news article
January 19, 2005

If you're paranoid enough to think a guard planted a knife on you, you should be RECEIVING therapy not giving it. Nitwit.

MaryAnne
Philly Daily News- Jan 19
January 19, 2005

There is something the matter when a country punished travelers for policies of their government, no matter how terrible. Citizens may not agree with elected leaders.

Stella
Commentary in Inquirer
November 27, 2004

I just finished college and never understood the history of Arlen Spector or what he gave to Philly. I just heard unflattering descriptions about his theories about JFK's death. It was a big help to read of his backround as DC. I will rethink this guy and plan to have a talk with my dad about giving him a fair new look.

Annonymous

October 19, 2004

Hello, I took your course at the U of P Social Work School. It was great to be back in a stimulating classroom again. I felt energized by your theories and model and will put some of your suggestions to work immediately. Thank you.

Rachel
Philly Daily News
September 05, 2004

I was at the Franklin Institute yesterday and bought the paper. I have never responded to a erbpage before, and it took a bit of time as the writer did not give this address. I am a Republican, and I voted for Bush last time. But I see that something is very wrong with how he is proceeding. I have read the comments on this page and I think that dialogue is good. But there is so much rage that clouds clear thinking. I want to thank the paper (I am not a regular reader) for publishing something so real and clear. The Republican Party (MY PARTY!!!) is trying to scare us all to death so that we cannot think clearly. Lee Atwater, on this deathbed, said he was worry for his uglyness. We have to learn once agoin to think and to see clear. My son. age 12, was with me on this trip to the Institute to see the leftovers of the Titanic. If we are not careful we, too, will be leftovers. Bush is not keeping us safe. He is causing the whole world to hate us. Please fellow Republicans, open your eyes!!!!

Republican Activist

September 05, 2004

And as for Marie's comments, you wouldn't know the lamp of truth if you ran into it. The democrats have done nothing but lie to the American Public for years. You speak of Democracy like it is a rape victim, grow the hell up Marie, not everything and everybody in this country is a victim of abuse, but you should be - left wing fruitcake!! Deficit brought about by tax cuts for the rich - you are truly a stupid person. You seem to have forgotten we were in a recession that your infamous Mr. Clinton left us, and totally seem to forget the economic catastrophy associated with the bombing of the World Trade Center by Islamofascist terrorists - or do you, like the NY Times, refer to these evil barbarians as Freedom Fighters? Oh, one more thing, as someone who has spent YEARS in the Environmental Field, your claims concerning same are totally laughable. Go suck a thermometer.

Republican Activist
Very Stupid Article
September 05, 2004

Hello Stupid Liberal,

Read your article on Kerry, here are some things you should have included. Considering your line of work you certainly should have recognized the symptoms of your candidate:

Diagnostic criteria for 301.81 Narcissistic Personality Disorder (cautionary statement) A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

(4) requires excessive admiration

(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Actually, that pretty much describes most liberals I've met. So tell us, why would you want a false war hero that has voted against everything American for 20 years running the country. You know, as a Senator, he couldn't harm us with his foolish votes, but as a President with the "last vote" he can. We think your candidate makes a much better "Gigolo" than he does a presidential candidate.

Marie
Very
September 05, 2004

SaraKay wrote an insightful, brave and true article in Saturday's Daily News. She raises the lamp of truth to reveal the lies and distortions which are the political currency of today's GOP, and is doing a service to our battered, bruised and misused democracy. Talk about domestic abuse, SaraKay! We are proud of you. We hope John Kerry takes your excellent advice and comes out fighting. He has been slandered and his genuinely heroic and excellent lifetime of public service has been misrepresented and distorted by a group who consider lying to be a legitimate political strategy. Our Founding Fathers must be spinning in their graves to see their beloved Constitution and fragile institutions of Democracy in peril. More people need to join with SaraKay to expose the distortions and lies and say that Bush and Co.are doing this to distract us from looking at and thinking about the perils they have placed us in, domestically and internationally. Their rush to an unnecessary war based on distorted and false intelligence has produced generations of new, enflamed terrorists who hate us. We are less safe, not more safe. Environmental standards established to help keep us more healthy have been weakened (eg.more mercury in the water, more arsenic in the air, more noxious gases for mineworkers). Our economy has been weakened and our children will be burdened by huge taxes to help fix a staggering deficit brought about about by tax relief for for the rich. Play now, pay later. Remember, this is still a democracy which survives and flourishes only when people can engage in informed (by truth) discourse and debate issues in a mutually respectful manner. There is no hope for the democratic process to work if the people are fed lies and distortions. And let's pray that this time the votes are counted in a fair and verifiable manner.

Phil McCraken
Man-lover of Ben Dover
September 04, 2004

How can you suggest Kerry is taking the 'high road' by attacking Bush and Cheney repeatedly about their service 30 years ago?

When is Kerry going to offer a policy statement beyond some vague assurances? Or is that the 'nuance' you value so highly?

Is it tough to think you're so intelligent and yet never be able to shake the feeling that you're a tool?

BTW, I spoke with your first husband and he said he's going to hunt you down and beat you some more...because you were asking for it, of course.

Fintan
Phila. Daily News
September 04, 2004

Just curious...I've always wanted to be as self-centered, self-righteous, self-aggrandizing, not to mention smug, as you.<P>Having said that, do I need to give up my individuality, my life beliefs, my personal values and my silly political beliefs and enroll in a cloistered ivory tower so I too can tell everyone else how incredibly dumb they are for not agreeing with me?

Lloyd
Her Article about Kerry
September 04, 2004

Eat Me I'm a Lollypop you Liberal Asshole

The embodiment of all that is evil in your world (a conservative male)
Philadelphia Daily News
September 04, 2004

After reading your column in the Philadelphia Daily News concerning John Kerry, I have come to the conclusion that anyone that would seek your council on the well being of their family life truly needs the help of a trained professional.

Felicia
recent article on J.Kerry
September 04, 2004

Your article only goes to reinforce the character of John Kerry as someone who is a "victim" and a whiner. At this time in our nation's history we need a leader with strength and character...someone like George W. Bush. Your attempt to help John Kerry by writing this article did just the opposite.

rightwingconspiracy

September 04, 2004

I just read your article "Givem Hell Johnny" on John Kerry.

Your article is about the most biased bit of vitriol I have ever seen.

Talk about Fear Mongering!

You wrote: "The president's reduction or elimination of regulations that restrict pollutants from poisoning our environment and our bodies put all of us in jeopardy."

All I can say is Wow!

Did you know that republicans are responsible for the clean air and water act?

Dont look now SaraKay but I think Condi just dumped a barrel of "goofyjuice" in your watersupply.

Maggam

September 04, 2004

Just want you to know that I am praying for you and all the other people who are crying out for our country to become more immoral than it already is. I feel like I can rightly assume this because of your support for the likes of the Democrat that is running for the President of this wonderful country. May God have mercy on you and all those like you, for you do not know what you do.

Freepers Rule

September 04, 2004

Let me give you a little background before disussing my problem. My Wife is no longer paying any "attention" to me if you know what I mean. This whole thing started after we got the new gardner. Lots of muddy footprints around the house if you know what I mean. It gets worse My father was recently arrested for bilking stockholders out of millions of dollars. The dog ran off, and My Sister has decided she likes women instead of men. I can live with all of that but My child wants to grow up and be a liberal any suggestions on what I can do to fix him.

doesn't matter
article
September 04, 2004

Just read your article on Kerry. The only part that was accurate was this, "Richard Nixon was a giant; Hubert Humphrey was a socialist; Democrats are girly-men; the premise of the United Nations is ridiculous."

Another liberal victim, coaching others to be liberal victims. BTW, do you really think your phony warrior John Kerry can really fight? You and your ilk are truly pitiful.

Mary Beth

September 01, 2004

I"ve beem thinking abput the CNN interview about the ordeal of the McGreevy family. I never understood why a straight woman could be attracted to a gay man. I have learned about this issue through the CNN interview and have a better understanding of emotional abuse. I have ordered both of Ms. Smullens's books. This was a most informative interviese even though it was very short.

Minna
CNN -- re Mrs. McGreevy
September 01, 2004

This was an excellent and informative interview. SaraKay educated us about the emotional abuse suffered by a woman married to a gay man, but she did it without desrespecting Mrs. McGreevy by attempting to speak for her. I wish she had more time. Could you let her and Cnn know this.

ellen
cnn news (mcgreevey interview)
August 19, 2004

i went to amazon.com and purchased "whoever said life is fair" and "setting yourself free" i have a daughter with 4 children that can't seem to extricate herself from an abusive marriage. do you think these will help or do you have another suggestion/ thank you so much

Saw you on CNN
August 19, 2004

Have suspected my wife is "interested" in same sex.. Found a book hidden in a desk.."Married Women Who Love other Women". Does "Setting Yourself Free" offer me advice?

Audrey B.
I read both of Sara Kay's helpful books.
July 24, 2004

When will I be able to hear her speak personnally. Do you know. Please post.

Eve Levy
Met her on train ride home from March for Women's Lives
April 25, 2004

Dear Sarakay: It was such a pleasure to meet you this afternoon after the March for Women's Lives.

Annonymous

April 07, 2004

I was at the recent workshop you did at JFCA. Some present did not find it relevant to our work. But I found your work and words inspirational and moving. It will aid my philosophy of work. Time spent well.

Annonymous

April 07, 2004

I was at the recent workshop you did at JFCA. Some present did not find it relevant to our work. But I found your work and words inspirational and moving. It will aid my philosophy of work. Time spent well.

NASW _PA conference, from Andy

April 05, 2004

Congratulations on your Lifetime Achievement Award. Your luncheon comments were marvelous and brave. Your 5 cycle abuse continuum and how you tie it to the porfessional and political from the personal is fascinating and rings true. I can understand that this took alot of years to figure out. Sorry I missed your workshop. Perhaps next year.

Anne
American Group Psychotherapy Association Meeting
March 01, 2004

This early morning time slot kept my attention and gave me a new way to engage patients and involve them toward change and health. Ms. Smullens's 20 year effort and her 5 cycles of emotional abuse that only get worse as genereations pass is a real help to therapists and our patients.

Mary
met at a conference and read her book 'Set Yourself Free"
February 20, 2004

SaraKay, I stored your website in my favorites and occasionally brouse the content. Today I read your article about Dr King. I was inspired to hug you. I too have felt these things that you described. I am reminded of just how beautiful a person that you are. I'm sure you have been told this before, but you have a special "ora"(for lack of a better word)...I wonder if some of that can be attributed to the love that Rita obviously gave you. Where ever you got it thank you for sharing it with me, and the rest of the world! As you so eloquently put it: It's up to all of us.

May
Ihave read two of SaraKay's books :Setting Youself Free and Whoever Said Life Was Fair
February 08, 2004

I found both books address many of the problems I have had all my life as a result of emotional abuse experienced in my childhood. I missed SaraKay's workshop at the the 92nd St."Y" in NYC, that she led about a year ago. I would very much like a referral to a therapist or therapy group focusing on the treatment of emotional abuse based on the model developed by SaraKay Smullens.  I am an African American "senior", female. I was in therapy for several years when I was younger. Have made great progress over the years in understanding how emotional abuse works, and in changing behaviors that keep me stuck in the same painful patterns I learned early in life. Now I feel I have reached the final "hump" and I need help getting over it. I really feel I need a "group" that can support me as I take the risks of further behavioral change that will solidify my new way of understanding "how life works". If you cannot make a specific referral, if you could give me a procedure for locating the kind of therapist/therapy group I need I would be deeply appreciative.

Mike
article about Martin Luther King
January 21, 2004

Thanks for your article in the Daily News on Tuesday January 20, 2004. Dr. King was greater than one race of people, his influence was felt farther than one nation, and his principles were universal. I, too, believe he should be shared by all decent people.

Kia
read a recent article she wrote in reference to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
January 21, 2004

Dear SaraKay,I recently read your article on Dr. King in the Philadelphia Daily Newspaper and your article deeply touched my heart. I am an african american who truly appreciates people of all color and I must admit I was embarrassed that you were shunned by my people. I kno w that all races of people can disappoint us and I admire the fact that you didnot allow the ignorance of others to deter you. I want to Thank-you SaraKay for your kind heart, and your kind words. You are not only courageous, you are a Godsend to all people who have had the honor of reading your work/message, meeting you and allowing you to inspire them the way you have inspired me and certainly many others.Dr. King would proudly welcome you and others like you who still believe that a dream is not just dreamt. A dream is one person or persons who believe and stand firm in those beliefs that they truly can make a difference. My best to you and all your endeavors. Sincerely, Kia K. Grasty

Clarence
Read her article on Dr. Martin Luther King in the Daily News.
January 21, 2004

I really enjoyed reading your article on Dr. King. You were refreshing and very passionate in describing you personal encounters with racism. Thank You.

Michelle
I read the Article, "He's my MLK, too"
January 20, 2004

I just wanted to commend you on your article. You've touched my heart with your life story. I am an African Amer woman, and at times I admit that I've forgotten that my people didn't fight our struggle alone. I just want to thank you, and I hope others will be touched by your article.

Lee
Her editorial in the 1/20 Daily News caught my attention.
January 20, 2004

Ms. Mullens, you are absolutely right: Dr. King's dream was for ALL of us, just as his legacy belongs to all of us, whether we accept it or not. I am a 50-year-old African-American male, and, geez, I can tell you some stories, but, for now, I just want to thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me and other Daily News readers. Take care, and keep in mind that if there were more people like you, the world would be a much better place, and Dr. King's dream would surely be a reality. Peace to you and your entire family. Have a great day!

A crasher
92nd St Y
December 06, 2003

I got into this course without paying, and sure got my money's worth. It is not the thing I normally do, but I got layed off, and wanted help in stuff at home. I got it. Thank you, 92nd St Y. You really do alot for regular folks like me!!

Carol Ann
Former client
November 10, 2003

I am so very grateful that I participated in group therapy with SaraKay while I lived in Philadelphia (1984-1987). My father was my abuser, but I continually blamed my mother for all of my problems. I now understand how things really were.

Carol Ann
Personal contact
November 05, 2003

Hello! I'm living in Akron Oho and working as an Independent Living Advocate. I get people out of nursing homes. I am in the process of losing my very best friend, my Mom. After I got sober, she allowed me to move back with her. Se had a stroke and is never coming home. In spite of my current sadness, I am trying to remain happy, joyous & free. I still attend DBSA, AA & alAnon. I play violin in the Cleveland Women's Orchestra.Thank you for helping me to learn to forgive my mom for not teaching me what she did not know herself. Take care. Will write again soom. Carol

Online interview, HerRising Magazine
November 01, 2003

Not on word of jibberish! Great common sense. My family sat around me. My daughter applauded. Good use of time.

Center City Proprietors' Association (Philadelphia)
October 29, 2003

Last nite's presentation was good for life, not just work. Thank you for not being cutesy and superficial. Time well spent.

Anonymous
Texas - NASW meeting
October 26, 2003

My favorite workshop! Wish it could have been much longer. If it were given again, I would sign up pronto!

Sidney
American Assoc. for Marriage and Family Therapy
October 20, 2003

This was a very expensive conference, and I did not pay for it. I really scrimped on food and stayed with a friend. Thank you for giving me a copy of Setting Yourself Free, when I explained that I did not have the money and a little more about my financial situation. Your session was amazing. The two hours went by fast! I will use what I learned to help others.

Brenda
AAMFT meeting
October 19, 2003

Frankly I found many of the sessions at this meeting to be superficial and knee-jerk. But not yours. I found it uplifting helpful and original. I am sorry the books were all sold, but my order form is in the mail.

Annonymous
I was at Strawberry Fields
October 03, 2003

I could not speak after your presentation. It helped me so much. I wanted to buy your book, but I was too stunned with new awareness to go to the table where it was being sold. Thank you.

Mary
I meet SaraKay at a conference in San Antonio, Aug, 2003
September 02, 2003

SaraKay, I have been reading your latest book, and I am so glad that I met you. Although I see very little abuse in my family of origin, my husband is submerged in the cycles that you describe. The problem that I have is that I have allowed him to be dependent on me for 22 years. In any case, the reading has helped me to understand a bit more of the "whys" of my husband’s behavior. I intend to help others with this as well. As I told you I am going to be finishing my degree soon. Your book has captivated me, I knew that you were an amazing human being when I met you, and your book has only clarified that point more. I am so much in awe of your personal strength and your conviction to take action and help the world around you. Thank you so much for being who you are and offering so much positive energy. I am thankful that I happened to sit down at your table at the conference!

Sheila

August 03, 2003

While in the library I found a copy of Whoever Said Life Is Fair? I want Ms. Smullens to know that I think it is an intelligent and helpful book, and it gave me alot to think about. I plan to buy her second book, which I have learned goes into some of what the earlier one did in more detail. I am told it took a long time for her to finish and that she worked on it for many years.

madeline
news article   Philadelphia Daily News
May 09, 2003

Very interested in knowing more. I represent a new online magazine for women and we would like to use one or more of your articles to reach women nationwide. we are located at, www.HerRising.com Our managing editor Ericka Neville can be reached at erickaneville@herrising.com Thanking you in advance.

Annonymous
State College Conference
May 01, 2003

My first choice workshop was cancelled, and so I selected yours. I am so glad things worked out the way they did. I learned alot. It was like a high level grad school course.

Syndie
State College Conference
April 24, 2003

Your presentation of "The Five Cycles of Emotional Abuse" was so helpful in my work as a school counselor. Forinstance, I can recommend camp for the child of an extremely overprotective or enmeshed family. But most of all thank you for being so real and letting us know we did not have to have it all together all of the time to do good and caring work. We just have to know the difference between laying our stuff on our clients and taking responsibility for our own lives. Your presentation was a very worthwile investment of time. Thank you!

Anna
The John Walsh Show - Ticking timebombs
April 22, 2003

Dear SaraKay:

Some children, despite all the best of circumstances in their home - both physically and emotionally, find themselves committing crimes. The blame lands on the parents - or, the parents sit in shame despite their best efforts. Fortunately, our son after committing his crime, has recovered due to resources in our community and excellent counseling efforts. He was tried as a juvenile; treated with compassion, and forgiven. After this experience, I truly believe in the juvenile justice system. This unique court system has a reach into the community that is still "friendly and helpful" to children in trouble. You have a good grasp on what can and does go wrong in the home with the potential of producing a child capable of criminal behavior. I appreciate your efforts to help parents or caregivers trying to undo the damage to children. Our son suffered none of the circumstances you described, but he did inherit a mental illness. I have attended a session of classes entitled, "Family to Family," which was presented by the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. Now, as a parent I know what to look for and what to expect from a child with mental illness. Our story has a happy ending. I have great compassion and empathy for parents who grieve a child who has committed a crime. There is great pain in the kind of love and support that must be given to children in trouble. Thank you. Anna Simcox, Chico, California

barbara
tv
April 22, 2003

i have a 9 year oldd son and he when he get's at me because when ever i tell him to do his home work he would do but when he com home with spelling words he has 30 and he know he sould do all 30 but he just want to do 20 of thim so when i tell him to go and do the rest of them he don't want to do and he gets mad so i fuss at him or get a belt to him he wants to fight me i think he has an anger problem andi don't know what to do so if you could you tell how handle it

thank you BARBARA BROWN

Beth
John Walsh Show appearance
April 22, 2003

I visited your site after seeing your appearance on the John Walsh Show. Thank you for your perspective and information provided.

Marjorie
John Walsh (Televised Program)
April 22, 2003

I have worked in the juvenile justice system and have experienced first hand the sadness and heartache of of our youth. I can personally say that although I am a parent of three children I had no idea of the realities of the pain and suffering that so many of our youth are experiencing. So many of our youth are slipping away and becoming statistics that we cannot continue to ignore this tragedy. It starts in the home and spills over into the schools and continues to flow into the system. EDUCATION IS THE KEY. We are all responsible for our young generation, we have to work together and commit to reaching out and to ensuring that they receive the care and treatment they deserve, so many people just do not know what is really going on within the juvenile justice system.

Marion
Recent Philadelphia Inquirer Article
April 13, 2003

You make an enlightened distinction between the process that leads to war and the necessity of some wars. If Bush's process had been more mature, even those who may be afraid to say so, would see where the intent of the US truly was. The "wild west" approach of our President and his advisors, as you say, plays into the hands of our enemies. This could and should have been avoided.

Becca
Friend of my Mother's
February 02, 2003

Hi SaraKay! Saw your quotes in Cosmo on page 188.

Really enjoyed it!

Becca (Trisha's daughter)

Debbie
worked for SaraKay a long time ago
January 16, 2003

When I was a teenager I babysat for SaraKay's two girls Elizabeth and KathyAnn in their home for a summer. Elizabeth was around 4 and KathyAnn was 1 year. My aunt found this article and let me know about it, and I just wanted to touch base and say hello. I am now a mother myself of two children, ages 20 and 18. How time flies by and how quickly we watch our lives change. I would love to hear from either SaraKay or either one of the children. It is not often that we are able to touch base with someone in our past who we have fond memories of, and I would love to have the chance to say hello! Thanks! Debbie

Loretta
Poem in the Philadelphia Tribune about Trent Lott
January 11, 2003

Go girl! If I could write music, I'd write for this poem. I hope somebody does.

Annonymous
Saw her article on kindness in yesterday's Philadelphia Inquirer
December 27, 2002

After reading yesterday's article, I found your book at Barnes and Noble in the U of P area. You made so much sense. I was not looking for a "feel good" book. I wanted one to help me understand what went wrong and why I hurt myself in life choices in friendship and love, even though I am very lucky to be a good student and attrractive. This book made me think, this book helped me to see. I think I have a way to be different now. I plan to do each and every excercise and really work my way throught the wisdom and insights now that I have gotten so much for a good "first read."

Melissa
Charlotte Rose's babysitter
December 15, 2002

I am lucky to know you, SaraKay, and your entire family. The love you have for your family shines through your granddaughter's eyes every time she smiles! I enjoyed reading your new book and learning more about human emotions and difficulties. Thank you for sharing!

Melissa
I read Setting Yourself Free
December 09, 2002

I stumbled upon this book in the bookstore and it changed my life forever. I want to thank SaraKay Smullens for writing a book on this topic.

Judith
Newspaper Essay; Rage in our Hearts
December 05, 2002

Hello Ms. Smullens, Your love for your Charlotte Rose was well-described. I wonder, however, how much protection is too much. Children intuit fear -- their own and others'. When we hover, do we unwittingly generate fear? Do children then grow confused by the odd blend?

I saw a local church signboard at the time of the sniper hunt. It read: All Fear Is Bondage. Certainly as parents and grandparents we need to love deeply...yet must we not stop short of binding our little ones in cocoons?

Better perhaps to spend our time ridding our culture of software, films, and drugs that spawn violence. Love is great, and I offer it daily, but it is a weak match against raging bullets.

When we work to eliminate the toxins, maybe the love will be easier to grow.

Thanking you for your food for thought.

Response from SaraKay:  I agree with you, Judith. Overprotection is part of the codification. Thank you for posting.

Nicole
I attended a presentation of hers at a "Building Strong Families" Conference at the Harrisburg-Hershey Holiday Inn
December 04, 2002

Thank you for putting my poem on your website :) i hope that it continues to empower you as well as many others who read it. I wish you the best of luck with everything that you do in the future! I will definitely keep in touch. ~ Nicole

Self Esteem

I look in the mirror and like what I see
Walk with pride, respect, and most of all dignity . . .
Earned the courage and strength to achieve my goals,
No one can tell me that I can't make it on my own . . .
This is the image in life I was dealt,
Can't love someone else if I don't love myself
                    - Nicole

Cynthia
Heard on the radio
November 26, 2002

Hearing you on the radio was really enlightening. I am going to buy the book setting yourself free not only for myself but for my niece. My niece has had a terrible time. Her Mom has paid actually no attention to her her entire life and she has a very difficutl time dealing with that. But along with that she then has a hard time sharing with those that are in her life in a positivie way. she continually has some reason to be angry at this one or that one or create a conflict during the holidays. I have encouraged her to get couseling since she was about 18, but to know avail. I have mentioned that I would go with her since we all have work we could do on ourselves. After a while it becomes harder to be supportive as it takes an emotional ( abuse) toll to go through the same thing over and over again. I firmly beleive that being an adult means taking a look back, and forward and determining if our beliefs, values, behaviors work and are appropriate and making changes and adjustments. Learning new skills and methods of communicating with our self and with others. Being able to make hard changes in ourselves - that is true growing. I still fear that even though I will get her the book it will go unread. do you have any suggestions.

Response from SaraKay:  Thank you for writing, Cynthia.  Your niece is very fortunate to have you in her life.  Please continue to remain available to her if she decides to reach out to you for help.  If you or your niece would like to correspond with me, you may do so through my publisher, New Horizons.  (see mailing address by linking here.)

Louise

November 19, 2002

Yesterday's article in the Philadelphia Inquirer about the ramifications of children who are badly treated, unloved and raised without a caring environment (family and community) said so much in just a few words, Everyone pays a price for this obliviousness. I am sending copies of your commentary to my out of town friends.

Charlotte Rose
She is my beloved bubbie
November 18, 2002

Thank you for visiting me, washing my hands, helping me watch the squirrels, singing "everybody loves a baby", writing about me in your article, and making me feel so loved. xoxox

Margie
CN 8
October 23, 2002

I see that Setting YourSelf Free is a continuation of Whoever Said Life Is Fair? In your first book you explain how and why dignity is a prerequisit to mental health, something I had not thought about or realized. In Setting YourSelf Free you show why defined and perpetuating cycles of emotional abuse make dignity impossible to achieve. And best of all, you tell us what to do about it! I thank Mary A for inviting you to be on her show so that I would learn that you had written a second book. It is so rich with information. It is so moving and compelling. No wonder it took you 20 years to complete. Thank you for your very hard and thorough and caring work! My son and I will benefit, and so will others who take the time to find your book. I had to go to three bookstores before I found it.

Harriet
very!!
October 23, 2002

Very impressive website. Looking forward to reading further in your book. Love,H.

Carol
book signing
October 23, 2002

SaraKay, I met you at the book convention at the Marriot. Ihave my MSW and PhD in Clinical Social Work and I recently relocated to the Wilmington area. We spoke about the possibility of having lunch in Philadelphia. My scheduele is flexible . I have been enjoying your book Setting Yourself Free . Looking forward to hearing from you.

Josh
read book
October 22, 2002

SaraKay --

Keep up the inspiring work. Setting YourSelf Free touches on something that is so often overlooked but just as dangerous as physical abuse, which gets all the attention. Thank you for bringing up this important issue and being so candid (in your book) about your own experiences as well as the experiences of others. If it helps just one person break such devastating cycles of abuse, it is worth the 20 years of work and reflection you put into it.

maureen
heard you on bill ayres 10/20 on wplj new york
October 20, 2002

I am speechless how your words so define my adult life. I am separated from my much-loved spouse who is the product of transgenerational sexual and emotional abuse. The only women in his life were "evil and base" according to his mother. I called him and he is now listening. Thank you. Your words that sometimes you MUST walk away, so thankful for that, as you are not told that in therapy. Blessings

Sandy

October 19, 2002

I recently heard SaraKay present at a university conference. She made alot of sense to me. I have ordered two copies of her books -- one for me and one for my sister. Even if you don't come from an abusive family, her common sense gives good tools for living and planning.

Rhonda
Read article, "Hatred -- you've got to be taught"
October 10, 2002

I thought the article, "Hatred -- you've got to the taught," which appeared in the Daily News (Oct. 9, p.17) was right on target, bringing to light real-life examples of how hatred is taught and passed from one generation to another. The insertion of lyrics from a song from "South Pacific" was beautifully interwoven into the piece. I also saw SaraKay on a TV interview last month and thought she came off as credible and concerned with teh issue she was addressing.

Tara D'Lutz
September 25, 2002

I am very interested in your topic...I was an emotionally abused child and suffer today at age 31 from the fears and insecurities at work and in my personal life that the abuse has wrought upon my self-esteem mental wellness. I have therapy on a regular basis but still am unable to cope with "dictatorial" personalities. I find that I befriend the sick and weak who often betray me and confide in the dictatorial types who often become angry and insensitive and determine that I am unfit for work or friendship. I am trying to break this self-destructive cycle that my low self-esteem and fear of others' opinions has sustained in my life. I also have the need to protect women and children form abuse. I am a lawyer and former Philadelphia prosecutor and am looking for service in this area...would you know of any organizations that my have use for my skills?

Thank you for your insight and wisdom in this most devastating but ignored area of abuse and mental illness.

Tara

I can't begin to tell you how much I loved your book - and how impressed I am that you were able to turn your private pain into a guideline to help so many others in pain.

Besides being wonderfully written - clear, perceptive, humorous as well as firm in your insights - the book is marvelously organized.  It is for anyone who wants to create a better life and triumph over the problems which afflict even happy households.

You are to be admired, as well as loved!

Always,
Margot

margie
September 09, 2002

hi. I read your article "Seeing mother in my granddaughter" and enjoyed it. I used to work for your husband in vascular surgery at Jefferso. I'm sure you remember me, however I just wanted to comment on your lovely article. Keep up the good work! I share your writing with my family and friends. Happy Grandparents day to you and Dr. Smullens.

Linda Lee
9/8/02

In addition to speaking with you about your book, "Setting YourSelf Free," I wanted to write you a note because your words affected me strongly.  Your bravery and your good heart shine through the words on each page.

Reading about your childhood helped me look back more clearly and more closely on my own.  During the last year of my mother's life, and now since her death in January, I have been reflecting on my relationship with my parents, my brother, my first husband, my daughter, and others who have been important in my life.

Thank you for encouraging me to face some hard truths, and to find newly remembered tender moments from the past.

I take the liberty of ending with a phrase that has even more meaning than before - "to be continued"

Irene
September 06, 2002

I was deeply touched by your article ("Mother/Granddaughter") in Phila. Inq. 9-6-02. I was able to relate to both situations: my granddaughter reminding me of my daughter at her age, and your mother reminding me of me and my life which is very similar to what hers had been. I am writing to you about how your mother's sad life mirrors my own and I plan to buy your book "Setting Yourself Free" as soon as possible! Thankyou for sharing your story and the beautiful dream you had in it. God Bless!

Trisha
September 05, 2002

SaraKay, thank you so much for your inspiration. I read Setting Yourself Free and it was so helpful that now I have ordered Whoever Said Life is Fair? I like to read your articles in the newspaper, too. I hope you will keep on helping people like me.

Estelle
August 20, 2002

We received your book last week, and having finished reading it, I must congratulate you on a wonderful self-help analysis, as well as an insight into your own overcomings.  In all the years I've known you and admired all your efforts, I never realized all the obstacles you had to overcome!!

I can only say "thank you" for the help this book will be to many in "freeing" themselves, as well as the even greater respect I have for you, Stan, and your family.

Much love from Howard, who will read the book next, and Susan and Iris, as well.