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Facing Fears – Halloween’s Best Lessons
As if moms and dads of America didn’t have enough on their minds –
Halloween-wise and other wise – many of their kids are demanding
that this year they dress up like Osama bin Laden.
Parents are understandably baffled by their
children’s Osama costume plans. To quote a mom determined to plan a
safe and thoughtful excursion on Halloween night, “Being courageous
doesn’t mean you’re not scared. Yet, in spite of it all, you
carefully move forward and keep on with your life.” But she
continued, “I never expected to have my son ask to masquerade as a
young version of Osama bin Laden!”
The parents I work
with, in support of police, fireman, and armed service attire, are
united in telling their kids that Osama is out. But they ask,
“What is going on? Halloween is supposed to be fun. We don’t get
it!”
Because there is enormous psychological benefit to
Halloween, a holiday more serious for kids than most realize,
dressing as one whom you fear makes more sense than is first
apparent. For Halloween is a time when kids can dress up as what
scares them the most – and by doing so, face their fears, laugh at
them, and see them diminish.
As children grow, no matter how secure their
home, they will have fears about the constancy of love surrounding
them, their place in the family, their rivalries, their angers,
their future. To handle these inner “demons”, they project them onto
the outside world, a la witches, vampires, goblins, and a whole
gamut of bogeymen. On Halloween children can dress to express their
dreams of beauty, love, and power, as well as their fears of failure
and destruction. Because their parents assure them that demons do
not exist in the real world, they feel safe and protected.
With this in mind, it is understandable that children
may either encourage others to pretend they are Osama, or take on
the task themselves. Here lies an opportunity for effective and
calm parenting, as well as an appreciation that the tyrant Osama is
not a true representative of his history, his people or his faith.
While we can’t tell our kids that Osama does
not exist, we can assure, discuss, and explain. Sharing in this way
provides helpful perspective and diminishes fears and anxieties,
yours as well as theirs. Encourage your children to tell you what
they are afraid of. They may not be able to express their fears, but
by asking, by caring and not judging, the communication door is
open. Assure your children that you will do all in your power to
always protect them and keep them safe.
Discuss the privilege of an education where we
can question any ideas we wish, without punishment. Explain that
when hopelessly impoverished and uneducated people are taught to
hate, without access to free thought and education, the only choice
they know is to follow a leader like Osama bin Laden, who tells them
that he speaks for Allah, their God. This can lead to a discussion
of how bin Laden could have chosen to use his vast wealth to care
for his sick and impoverished people and educate their children.
This is also a great time to go together
to a library or online. There you will be able to read of
enlightened days in the Islamic world when Muslims, Christians, and
Jews lived side by side in peace. This religious tolerance
continued for centuries after Muhammad’s death in 632. And you can
learn about the hunk Westerners call Saladin (his given name is
Salah-ad-Din Yusuf ibn Ayyub), a brave, compassionate, and fair
Muslim warrior and leader. During battle with the English when
their king, Richard the Lion Hearted became ill, Saladin ordered ice
brought to him to aid his healing.
Tell your children that our country has made
mistakes and that we have many problems that must be faced – but
that with hard work there is nothing we can’t or won’t be able to
solve. Tell them we believe that people should build their own
homes, not destroy the homes of others, and that healthy societies
do not tolerate this type of behavior. Explain that the survival of
our nation, based on our committed beliefs, freedoms and
opportunities, is our trick as well as our treat. For no one has
ever done it better. Happy Halloween!
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